Father’s Day is often a time filled with joy and celebration. But for many, it can carry a heavy emotional weight, especially for those who have experienced loss. Whether it’s the absence of a father, the longing to become one, or the unimaginable grief of losing a child, this day can be a painful reminder rather than a celebration.
For Daryl, this Father’s Day will be especially hard. It’s his first without his son Jago, who died in November 2024 at just 18 months old. Jago’s death came just one day after the birth of Daryl and his wife Gemma’s third child, Eva – the start of an emotional and complex journey.
A life changed in an instant
Jago was born on 6th April 2023 following a healthy pregnancy. But at just five months old, he was diagnosed with an incredibly rare genetic condition called CACNA1E. With only a handful of known cases around the world, the diagnosis came with uncertainty, no cure and more questions than answers.
Helen & Douglas House quickly became a vital support system for the family. As Jago faced seizures and the complex symptoms of his condition, the hospice provided not only expert care but a space filled with compassion, comfort and cherished memories.
“Helen & Douglas House allowed us the rare opportunity to say goodbye with the comfort of our family and in our own time and we couldn’t be more grateful for the incredible support they gave us during such a devastating time. You never imagine yourself thinking of and accepting a ‘best case’ scenario for such a circumstance, but I can honestly say that we have been extremely fortunate to have been able to live out what was exactly that for us. We were followed up and supported by the Helen & Douglas House bereavement team with several one-to-one sessions which helped us in the early stages to try and navigate our way through our grief.”
Facing Father’s Day
Now, as Father’s Day approaches, Daryl shares that it’s something he is struggling to face.
“If I’m being completely honest I’m dreading even the thought of Father’s Day this year. It feels very selfish to admit that but it’s a day where the empty void left by Jago is likely to feel a lot more vast and I’m not sure how I will be. Admittedly I haven’t allowed myself to think too much about it and will likely just have to ride the wave on the day and try to accept it for what it is.”
At the same time, he reflects on how the day has changed in meaning since becoming a father for the first time over four years ago with the birth of his daughter, Penelope and how recent experiences have deepened his understanding of fatherhood.
“Every father out there has their own struggles with fatherhood and after my own recent personal experiences it has helped me realise not only how hard being a father can be with the constant plate spinning we all have to manage, but also how much it means to celebrate our achievements as a father. I myself am easily pleased so as long as I can wake up on Father’s Day to my kids around me then whatever we do on the day really doesn’t matter. I am not sure we have any plans for Father’s Day this year but my wife Gemma usually normally has a few surprises involving the kids but I imagine it will be something relatively quiet with quality time spent together.”
Remembering Jago
Despite the pain of losing Jago, Daryl and his family hold tightly to the joyful memories they made together at Helen & Douglas House – memories that will remain in their hearts forever.
“Every single time we stepped foot into Helen & Douglas House a special memory was made that we treasure forever. We were able to see Jago experience things in his short life he would otherwise never have done, like getting involved with music groups, being taken on trips out with other children, meeting animals in the garden, having special handmade personalised pictures and keepsakes made regularly, and spending lots of time in the sensory room to name just a few.
“Despite all of these amazing things however, the happiest memories of Helen & Douglas House we have are really the simplest – seeing him being surrounded by so much genuine love, and cared for by nurses and doctors as if he were one of their own is something we will always look back on with so much gratitude and treasure forever.”
Continuing Jago’s legacy
In August 2024, Daryl and nine friends took on the Three Peaks Challenge, raising more than £14,000 for Helen & Douglas House. The family continues to celebrate his life and memory through fundraising. This July, they will hold a memorial football match where players will wear black and white — the colours of Jago’s favourite animal, a zebra.
A day of reflection
Father’s Day will never be the same for Daryl, and he knows he’s not alone in that feeling. For many fathers living with grief, it’s a day filled with reflection, longing and love. If this day is difficult for you, be gentle with yourself. Take time to remember the joyful moments and surround yourself with those who bring you comfort.