When Mary and Paul waved their 11-year-old daughter Neve off to school one March morning, they never imagined it would be the last time they saw her full of life. Just hours later, they received the devastating news that Neve had collapsed at Didcot Girls school and was rushed to hospital. Neve’s mum clung to the hope that she was “just being dramatic” and might soon be going home.
At the hospital, paramedics reported that Neve had been resuscitated and was breathing again but after scans, it was explained that Neve had suffered a catastrophic rupture of a previously undiagnosed brain aneurysm. There was nothing they could do except keep her comfortable. Placed on life support, her family were given 13 precious hours to say their goodbyes. In the early hours of 12th March 2021, Neve passed away surrounded by her family.
After Neve passed away, hospital staff suggested Helen & Douglas House as a place to take Neve. The family had never heard of it before, but it immediately felt right.
Mary, Neve’s Mum said: “We didn’t want her to stay in a clinical hospital environment. It just felt like the right thing to do.”
The Little Room
At Helen & Douglas House, Neve was placed in The Little Room – a peaceful, temperature-controlled room where her family could stay close to her. She lay in her favourite hoodie, leggings, and fluffy socks, surrounded by fairy lights and her favourite music.
Mary said: “They put her in a little bed with fairy lights, and she just looked like she was chilling on her bed. She looked like an angel. They knocked on the door before they came in, like they would if she was alive. That meant so much to us.”
The family were able to visit her at any time of day or night, even in the early hours when Mary would sit quietly with her.
Mary said: “I went in at 2am, put on my coat and gloves, and cuddled her for three hours. You can’t do that in a hospital.”
Being there for the whole family
At Helen & Douglas House, care extended far beyond Neve. We were there for her entire family. Mary, Paul, and Neve’s older brother Lewis were given a private apartment on site, allowing them to stay close to Neve. Helen & Douglas House offered tailored support for each of them: one-to-one bereavement counselling for Mary and Paul, sibling counselling for Lewis, and dedicated groups for grandparents. They also joined support groups with other bereaved families, helping them connect with others who had experienced the loss of a child, sibling or grandchild.
Mary said: “Our whole world was turned upside down in a split second. Helen & Douglas House have been invaluable to us as a family and has helped to pull us through some of our darkest days by face to face counselling sessions, telephone support and more importantly helped us connect with families who were going through the same horrific life changing ordeal as us. We were not alone in this nightmare.”
Neve passed away just days before Mother’s Day. That first Mothering Sunday, the hospice invited the whole family, including grandparents, cousins, and Neve’s uncle who travelled from Canada to share a meal together in the dining room. Mary and Paul described it as one of the moments that made Helen & Douglas House feel so different from a hospital, there was a real sense of home, warmth, and togetherness.
Mary said: “None of us felt much like eating, but it wasn’t about the food. It was about being together, being held in a warm, supportive environment and still being close to Neve. Helen & Douglas House was like an oasis… tranquil in the middle of Oxford.”
Moments that last forever
The hospice team went beyond practical care, creating keepsakes and memories that the family treasure to this day.
The care team created keepsake fingerprint pictures using Neve’s own prints to form the petals of a painted flower. That flower artwork is now framed and displayed in their family home.
In the early hours of that first Mother’s Day morning, Mary had a vivid dream in which Neve wanted to give her some flowers. The dream felt so real that she got up and went to The Little Room to sit with Neve for hours. Later, she mentioned the dream to one of the hospice nurses. Not long afterwards, the nurse came back with a bouquet of flowers, saying they were from Neve.
The day after arriving at Helen & Douglas House, Neve was still in the hospital gown
she had been wearing. Staff gently suggested the family might like to bring in her
favourite clothes so she could be dressed in something more personal. They gave
Mary and Paul the choice to dress her themselves or have a member of staff do it.
Mary initially thought she could manage it, but when the moment came, she realised
she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Mary recognised one of the nurses from years ago
when they had gone to college together so she asked her to dress her as she knew
Neve would be in good hands and she felt connected to her.
A legacy of love
Mary and Paul said: “We were only at Helen & Douglas House for 5 days, but the impact those five days had on us as a family has been incredible.”
Since then, the family has channelled their love for Neve into fundraising and remembrance. Over the years, they have organised and taken part in many events:
- A Sunflower Farm: inspired by Neve’s poem describing sunflowers as “like God, tall and above us” and a beautiful photo of her in a sunflower field taken shortly before she passed way, a Sunflower Farm grew and sold sunflowers, with proceeds donated to the hospice.
- Charity rugby match & auction: Paul, a long-time rugby player, organised a memorial match at Didcot Rugby Club with over 70 players, T-shirts printed with lyrics from Neve’s favourite song (‘Fight Song’), and a charity auction benefiting both the hospice and the Air Ambulance.
- Paul grew a long mullet, beard and moustache for months before shaving it off in a packed rugby club, raising over £5,000 in one night.
- Neve Fest: an annual family and friends camping celebration each August, with BBQs, music, rainbows, and dogs – a joyful way to honour her life.
- Skydiving: As part of ‘The Angel Mums’, Mary jumped from 13,000 feet and her instructor spotted a rainbow on the way down, which felt like Neve was with her.
- Walk: Mary and her sisters walked 100km in May 2025 to celebrate what would have been Neve’s sweet 16th. They did 11 walks marking the 11 years that Neve was with them. Mary raised over £5,000 with this walk.
Sunflowers and rainbows have become their symbols of love, and friends still send photos with messages saying, “Neve says hi.”